remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
