Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
