I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
