wrigley field is MILF paradise
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
