I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
