question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
