I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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