someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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