I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
