Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
