I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
