I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
