Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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