So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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