Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
