youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
