Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
