i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
