drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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