You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
