you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
BRING THE BAGELS
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
