Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
