I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
