What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
