dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
