Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize