I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
