there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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