I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
