If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
