I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
do nipples grow back?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
