Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
