I wish I could punch you in the face.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
