I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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