I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
