a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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