if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
