They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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