Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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