Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
