I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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