Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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