Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
