i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize