IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
