I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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