I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
