Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
