i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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