Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
