i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
