omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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