Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
