Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
