we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
