You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
