I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
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After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
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I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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