my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
