And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
