just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
