You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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