how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My vagina is very pro this idea
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
