I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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